If whole grain bran muffins tasted more like bacon maybe I wouldn’t be so hard on them. But they don’t. They taste like cardboard box. And bacon is wonderful. Ready for some pro-bacon propaganda ?( you know you are, even Vegans wish bacon was a flower, so they could eat it too)
Did you know that 70% of heart attack victims last year had normal cholesterol levels?
The results are in on my own cholesterol test. I’m sure all of the bacon-haters out there are salivating in anticipatory “I told you so” because all that “artery-clogging-saturated-fat” isn’t healthy. Before I reveal my test scores, I think it’s important that you understand a little about cholesterol and how it’s calculated. Nothing to scientific, I promise! We’ll call it the third world country community college version of Cholesterol 101:
“Cholesterol is a waxy, charming lipid (fat) gracing every cells membrane and our blood plasma. It’s jobs, which are many, include insulating neurons, building and maintaining cellular membranes, metabolizing fat soluble vitamins, producing bile, and kick starting the synthesis of many hormones including the sex hormones.” Borrowed from Mark’s Daily Apple: Definitive Guide to Cholesterol.
The numbers that appear on the cholesterol screening are not an actual count of cholesterol but the vehicles that transport them. Lipoproteins
HDL( high density lipoprotein): This is the “good” cholesterol. It gets in all of the nooks and crannies of your arteries and cleans out any junk that might want to stick in there and potentially cause blockages and plaque build up. Levels should be at least 40 for women and 50 for men (per AHA) Higher numbers are better.
LDL(low density lipoprotein): You’ve probably heard this one called the “bad” cholesterol. Smaller particles of this can stick to your arteries and “clog your pipes” so to speak. This definition is very much in line with the Lipid hypothesis (which we know to be horse crap) LDL performs critical functions. Your body makes LDL regardless of whether you consume animal products or not as it is necessary for survival. Per AHA, LDL should be under 130. Lower is better.
Triglycerides: These buggers are another type of fat circulating in your blood (very low density lipoprotein) also important for survival however higher levels have been linked to increased risk of cardiovascular disease. In fact, some doctors think triglyceride count may be more significant than LDL count or total cholesterol when determining risk for cardiovascular disease. Guess what causes high levels? ( hint: it’s not bacon) Excessive dietary carbohydrate ( so the pimple faced 16-year-old bagging your groceries actually did you a favor by errantly smashing your bread.) Levels should be under 150. Lower is better.
Okay, so now that you know exactly as much about cholesterol as I do ( Your practically an expert!) Let’s look at how those numbers go into creating your “total cholesterol” number.
The most commonly used formula in western medicine looks like this:
LDL+HDL+ [Trig/5]= Total Cholesterol
AHA (and your life insurance agent) says total cholesterol should be 200 or below.
This formula counts all lipoproteins the same and is therefore flawed. I’ll show you how in a moment.
“Enough beating around the bush! Let’s see some numbers already!” [much salivating and gnashing of teeth from the bacon deprived]
I expected to see a few things in my lipid panel that would look unusual as a result of the ancestral diet. Typically LDL count is raised, however this is not necessarily a bad thing. The LDL become larger and “fluffy” and from an artery clogging stand point, completely benign. They simply float around through your blood and do all the fun things that cholesterol do. Increased HDL is also indicative of the ancestral diet as well as an extremely low triglyceride count. This is what I expected to see and this what I got:
HDL= 70
LDL= 142
Trig= 59
Total= 224
HDL is pretty high. A good deal higher than the at least 50 that the AHA recommends. LDL is a little high also. Above the AHA recommended 130 cut off. My test did not include a particle size but I would be shocked if my LDL were the small nasty ones. Triglycerides, arguably more important than any other numbers, are way low. Well under the 150 action limit.
How did I do? Think I might croak tomorrow?
Lets look at a hypothetical person to point out the flaws in this method of total cholesterol calculation. His name will be Brian Muffin. Brain eats lots of heart healthy whole grains and shuns delicious bacon like the bubonic plague. When he gets a hankering for steak he slaps a juicy slab of tofu on the grill cause he’s concerned he may develop high cholesterol from eating fatty red meat. His doctor just ran his numbers. Here they are:
HDL: 45
LDL: 120
Trig: 160
Total: 197
Going by Mr. Muffin’s total cholesterol number he appears to be fairly healthy, however if you look at the numbers individually it paints a very different picture. Trigylcerides are sky-high, LDL is most likely small and dense (indicative of a high carbohydrate diet), HDL “good cholesterol” is too low.
My total cholesterol puts me in the AHA category of increased risk for heart disease (if you believe that sort of thing). The doctor’s recommendation? I quote, “We’d like you to get some more exercise and eat a low-fat, high-carb diet. We’ll check again in six months and if it’s not improved maybe we’ll prescribe something”.
70% of people that suffered from heart attacks last year had normal cholesterol levels.
It would be funny, if it weren’t so damn sad.
The Free Range Human 
Leave a comment